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The Crazy Land of Ellie

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Blinkie!
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<3~Ellie~<3
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January 12th, 2010

Its officially started....

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Blinkie!
I have officially started the Cambridge Diet again. I only started today, I've had my first shake...got another shake and a bar to go..

I'm a bit down about my counsellor....shes lovely, but shes not very good. She didn't explain anything to me about the diet (because I said I'd been on it a year ago, but still you should). She didn't give me any advice, my other lady used to get the tape measure out and measure my waist so I knew how many inches I'd lost...she didn't do that. She gave me all carton shakes and bars...where as I thought you could only have so many cartons? or also that you're not meant to have the bars for two weeks?...She pretty much got me in, then I kinda felt rushed to leave...I thought she wasn't going to weigh me either until I mentioned it. Hmm...

Basically I'm whining because she didn't give me the confidence that my last one did. I would get a text asking how I was doing and stuff....

I miss my old counsellor :( Soooo I'm gonna have to rely on everyone else to help me :)

I'm going to London in February, which I'm creaming myself over. I've never really been. My mum is paying for the hotel (which is 70 quid for 2nights...bargain!) and me and Hazel are getting the mega bus down (£8 return from sheff..bargain again!). Going to see Avenue Q..FINALLY! I've been saying for a year I want to...

This means I must lose weight. Because right now I feel like a fat heffer and it really doesn't feel good.

Sorry for whining :) Wish me luck!
<3
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November 24th, 2009

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Ever get one of those days where everything just seems weird? Today has been one of those days.

I found out my sister got bullied at school badly and even thought about suicide. My sister is like 5ft and size 4. Shes not ugly or anything.
I don't understand how she got bullied worse than me?? Fat ginger girl who at that point didn't have the best hygiene (my mother was seriously lacking when it came to teaching about hygiene, I grew up kinda naively not knowing better...sorry about anyone who had to put up with it). I'm not saying I didn't get bullied, because I did...I just didn't expect her to. I came to the conclusion that it was either the people in my year weren't actually that bad...or I just didn't let it bother me so they kinda only did it now and again...or they were scared of me. Now if you know me, you should know I'm a pacifist and the only person that makes me angry is my brother...so this couldn't be true..right? Apart from two people have told me they're scared of me in the past couple of days, I dunno if they were joking or not...but its made me really confused. I don't mean to be scary :( I try to get on with everyone...

I also have always been the one with the most friends in my family aswell...which confuses me aswell...obviously people are a lot more understanding. My sister was saying how her bestfriend at the time was a popular so they didn't hang around with eachother in school....where as I've always hung around with people in and out of school. Not one person has ever hung out with me outside of school and then ignored me inside....

I guess what I'm trying to say is...you can't judge how someones life is without knowing...and you never appreciate how good yours is until you compare it with someone elses....

The main thing though is...I never truly comprehended how important my friends are...without them I know it would've been me that would've committed suicide. I appreciate every single one of them.

I love you all <3

May 6th, 2009

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Right....I need to get a different job and I need to move.

Any ideas where I can move to? I want somewhere new and fresh but I want to know atleast one person so I have a safety back up. I've kinda messed things up in Lincoln, theres too many consequences for every action.

I can get a job in careworking as I've done it before and they're always desperate for workers, so I know I can get a job....I just need somewhere to move :( was thinking Norfolk as my sister is there, but I don't want to annoy my sister. Don't think I can go back to sheffield, as i have consequences there too, know too many people...

Just need to get away and sort my life out. Someone give me some ideas? Please?

March 13th, 2008

Well I was searching for my paper counter part of my driving license...which I still haven't found -.- anyways, back to the point...and I found some notes I wrote whilst at secondary school...Both moping. Lol, I'm such a depressive.

Firstly:
"I'm useless, I'm nothing special, I have no talent, I'm dependent on other people, there is no -I-, just 'us'.
Everyone is better than me,
Everyone is liked more than me.
I always feel sorry for myself!"

It makes me laugh. I still feel like that...I get angry with myself for feeling sorry for myself though. So its one big massive circle xD

Yeah...then I wrote a poem I think its meant to be. The title is "A poem about shameful moping!" Lol. Aren't I good?

"Beneath the stars,
I sit there waiting,
Watching for the miracle
That everyones promised.
The glistening stars lie,
They deceive,
Not everything is pretty,
Like them,
Not everyone is pretty,
I'm not pretty.
I want my miracle,
The one who accepts me for me,
Cuddles and caresses,
Makes it all go away...
Yet I somehow know,
Its not going to happen,
That happiness was not meant for me,
The void of this life will not be filled,
The hole in my heart, tearing me apart.
Yet it is ok,
I will simply watch as my friends gain their loves,
Telling me about how great it is,
Me? I'll sit beneath the stars,
Waiting,
Watching,
Hoping
For my miracle."

June 19th, 2007

Laziness

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I was just thinking about my life. I have a real problem with motivation and laziness. I'm sat here thinking how I need to do my student form and stuff and not doing it.

I'm such a lazy person. Rrrr. I piss myself off. I'm feeling really lethargic and annoyed because I can't be assed with anything, but its my life and I need to be assed!

Does anyone understand that? Or am I just babbling? If it involves going out or something, I somehow get motivated, but when it comes to important stuff, I can't seem to do it. Thats how I ended up with needing to do EVERYTHING at the end of college.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle university =( I'll end up making excuses and just not doing it...

Grrr. I hate myself at times. And I hate myself for feeling sorry for myself, when its my own damn fault. I can't win!

K, I'm done with the complaining, hope everyone else is ok.

xxx

June 15th, 2007

Teehee!

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Wheee...I'm in such a GOOD mood now =D I'll tell you why later on ^^ 

Anywho...what have I been up to?...I've FINISHED ALLLLLLLLLLLLL my college work :D :D :D....so getting assessed on monday and hopefully have done enough to pass =D Which just made me happy...Bishop Grot in September =O =O EEEP! I may just hide at the thought.

Diet is going well I'm hoping...although I got really really drunk lastnight, which most likely means what I lost, I've put back on what I've lost this week so far :( But I think my scales must be wrong, they weighed my friend too much, but they said i've lost quite a couple of pounds...hmm...they're usually about right. strange, I'm hoping they're right, coz then I'll love them <333

Went out lastnight, kind of celebrating the fact I handed in all my work (allbeit last minute...whoops). I wore a white strappy top, brown skirt and white shoes - looked kind of posh, and apparently good. :) Went out with Becky, Greg n his mates (Steve, his bro, Joe, Luke n peeps), and Jack originally. Had a shot of sambuca and then was drinking vodka diet coke for the rest of the night. Teehee. I got surprisingly drunk fast.

Hazel and Dan came (no idea what time)..I only saw Hazel first, jumped up to hug her, saw her talking to a guy behind her...Oh. My. God. Dan! What have you done to your beautiful hair? :( I mourn for your hair. Heh. I didn't even recognise him at first. Though, if it wasn't so patchy Dan, it doesn't look that bad. =)

Got nice and drunk...went upstairs, was sat talking to Dan and Hazel for quite a while, which was nice and very amusing. Did that till I wanted to dance...then was dancing for the rest of the night...didn't get to say bye to Hazel and Dan :( so missed out on hugs...oh well.
It was an ace night out, I loved it! I actually felt quite good about myself for a while. Though I did get a bit self-conscious - there was that 18yr old girl who used to be 34st, though I think shes lost like 8-10st now so around 24. Even though I a LOT less than her, over 10stone atleast, I felt I didn't look all that much smaller than her =( But Dan and Hazel said I was way skinnier, and just being stupid =)

I feel rough today =( But Dan has made my day. <3 for Dan. Heh, he said I'm more attractive than Becky and Emma, who are skinny and pretty in my eyes. To which I said:
 

Ellie - Praying says:

I guess I should wear that outfit more often

WhaleMeat says:

no, its nothing to do with the outfit. Just you.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! <33333 that just made me feel so good. I know you can read this Dan, so thank you! Made my day.

Teehee...on that note, I shall go have a shower and get ready for work.

Luv you all xxxxxx

May 28th, 2007

Mmn kies...I've changed my layout...I got it from the freelayout group I'm in. Credit goes to

ruby_tears_

Went to Alton Towers on friday, which was wicked. It was soooo much fun. went on 15 rides in all, which is good for alton towers. We bought a short cut ticket so could cut all the queues =D Yay! I loveeee it. Went on all the rides, rita, oblivion, nemesis, air, flume (no satanic ducky :( ), rapids and even charlie and the chocolate factory. lol. The rapids were mean, I got Soaked. Then it jerked and i hurt my elbow, hand and leg, and now I have huge bruises :( But hey...

Then the day went on a downer...my mum phoned, my dog had been bleeding and was in pain, so she took her to the vets and she got put down :( I hadn't seen her since thursday, and I wasn't there...so I didn't get to cuddle her or say good bye..my dog of 11yrs, who I got for my 10th bday present. =( I cried so hard when I got home, it looked like i had two huge red circles under my eyes with bloodshot eyes, it  was ugly.

 


Anywho....oh yeah. Went out lastnight, was a wicked night. My friend was leaving work and moving back to Nottingham, so EVERYONE went out...I dressed as a cowgirl, Vicki was a copper, Emma (the leavee) was a nurse, Steph a school girl...etc. It was all good. Got really drunk =D hehe...trebles 4 singles is a great start ;)...Becky fucked me off a bit as she ditched me for Jack, creepy Richard was also kinda hanging around me all the time. But was great. Pictures will follow soon as I get them developed.

Oh yeah...my diet. Lost 4lbs this week, which shocked me as I was naughty. Overall loss of 1stone 8lbs. Eee ^_^ thats 22lbs in 2months. <3 Although I can't notice...maybe I'll show you a pic of last time i dressed as a cow girl with a pic of this time when I develop them and you can tell me if you see the difference.

Going to the cinema tomorrow with Ian from work...non-date like me thinks, just friends =)
Thats it for now ^^ 
Byes ~

May 17th, 2007


Wooo...alrighty...erm...where to start?

I went to Bristol this weekend with Jess to a comic convention, which was fun, the guys down south are far more sexier than those up here...hmm, but i got ill and froze whilst down there...so blah. I'll stay here =P Ohhh...got a little picture done by Jennie who does Devils Panties , which is very good :D




Jess is the one with the big boobs and I'm the one with the glasses and cross :) I love it <3 got some of her books, and LOADS of freebies, including spiderman...then I got this drunken monkey comic from this guy who has the sexiest american accent. Mmmmnn, god help me when I go to Jamaica with all those Americans...teehee...I'd so be naughty.

Anyways...um..yeah...Slimming world...I wasn't extremely good whilst I was away...but somehow managed to lose 6lbs. I've now lost 1stone 2.5lbs...bloody hell...off to Alton towers next week as a treat =D

Just gotta lose over another stone and then I'll go sky diving =D

Oh yeah...anyways...the downer of this all...my dog poppy, who is 11 and a half years old bless her, has got huge tumours in her glands in her milk area. Huge.  They hurt when someone touches them...and shes got a few other problems too, her teeth, her other gland, phantom pregnancies and other things...well overall she needs two major operations, ending up in the cost of around 560 quid. The money isn't really the problem, I could blag my mother into it...but its whether 1. She'd make it through both operations. 2. We should put her through the stress of these two operations. and such...I don't know :( Shes still quite lively...but shes just got all these problems, I really don't want her to be put down, but that might just be my feelings speaking over what is best for her...

Anyone got any suggestions or anything?:(

April 24th, 2007

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I know I don't talk on here all that much anymore..but I will do a bit more now, so if you comment or message me, I will reply

Anyone who doesn't know, I'm on a diet...and I'm giving myself some incentives, once I've lost a stone, I'm going to go alton towers, and then once I've got to a certain weight..I'm going to go skydiving paid for by others (I'm hoping by mid summer to of got to the weight). So if anyone sees me eating naughtily, you're welcome to hit me ;)

Going to watch spideyman 3 on may 6th if anyone wants to join..it looks so funky. Then going to bristol comic convention (geeky) weekend of may 12th (I might even be dressing up really geeky lol) and off to alton towers may 25th (only if I've lost a stone though).

Anyone who can help me with my diet would be welcome to comment :) I need motivation!

April 10th, 2007

Random photo update

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I have a couple of photos that I'm gonna put up...just coz ^^...


Heh...anywho..I'm going to Bristol Comic Con....if anyone is going...tell meeeee.
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